Darren eats his greens, and needs to meet DanRad
by stopwhenisaywhen
Summary: In which Darren decides that he and Daniel Radcliffe are totally Meg Ryan, and Tom Hanks, in that one movie that's name just slipped his very colorful tongue.  Also, where Chris Colfer is a sneaky man, and so is Joey Richter  RPF, yeah?


**A/N: my friend was talking about this, because she saw it on tumblr, and hell, i decided to write it. for pure fun purposes, i'm sure this won't happen to darren or something.**

"In which Darren Doesn't Know" or something like "In which Joey and Chris and Fate _hate_ Darren Criss"

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><p>Darren's convinced that the Gods hate him.<p>

That's something he decides in the middle of the red carpet for The _Oscars_.

He's pretty sure he's always eaten his greens, and never talked back to his mom. He's sure that he's given every hobo he's seen a little cash if he _can_. He's pretty sure that he's done so many good things in life, including _never _ making fun of Nickelback, no matter how much he _wanted_ to.

He's sure that all these good things will come back soon as good karma, but there's one little thing he's _always_ wondering about.

WHAT DID HE EVER DO TO MAKE THE "BIG GUY IN THE SKY" SO PISSED, BECAUSE HE IS NOT LETTING HIM MEET DANIEL RADCLIFFE ANYTIME SOON.

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><p>Darren is a good guy. <em>This<em> he knows, but sometimes he wonders if he ever stepped on the wrong ant that had connections to the right guy who knew the big guy in the sky. Maybe it's all those times he illegally downloaded music, or that time he illegally made a parody for _Harry Potter_. Maybe the world just _hates _him the way those kids down the block did when he was ten.

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><p><em><em>

_"Darren, you're such a dork, why don't you come out and play!"_

_"I have homework!"_

_"LOSER!"_

_"but-"_

_"Darren you're such a loser!"_

* * *

><p>Maybe they were just like "<em>You've Got Mail<em>" with Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks, or something. He's been through this with Joey a couple of times. Maybe Daniel _secretly loves him_ and is avoiding him because Daniel fears that he'll say something that'll kick the world off it's axis like "_Will you marry me Darren Criss_", but Joey always says "_No, dude, I'm pretty sure he's avoiding the fact that soon, you'll be in his bed, living his life, and he'll be out in the curb because you always _have_ to be one step behind him_" and to that Darren says, "_Fuck you Joey_."

Maybe it was the time when he said he'd rather be working with Oprah, than anyone else.

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><p><em><em>

_"So Darren, who are you looking forward to working with soon?"_

Hmmph,_ Darren thinks, _Who am I looking forward to_-_

_"Oprah," he says, "Definitely Oprah.."_

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><p>Maybe it's that. Maybe the Gods are taking that on account, and they're actually putting him to work with Oprah on some school opening in Africa or something. Or she'd probably adopt him, and keep him in her basement, only to take him out to sing and record songs and make some <em>more<em> money for him. (_To that Joey says, _"Dar, I'm sure that she'd rather keep Daniel in her basement, another couple of Harry Potter movies about college and all that shit, and she'd be secured for this life, and the one that she sold to the-,"_ and to that Darren interrupts with a_ "Fuck you Richter")

He remembers all those times when they could have met. That time in Los Angeles, and that time at the _Harry Potter Deathly Hallows Part 2 _premiere, and that other time at the party in New York, _those_ were opportunities he's failed to take advantage of.

He thinks of Joey, and how he's met Rupert Grint.

_The lucky bastard_, he thinks to himself, _Fuck him_.

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><p><em><em>

_"You'll never guess..."_

_"What?"_

_"Come on guess!"_

_"You said I'll never-"_

_"Just fucking do it, Blaine!"_

_"I'm not Bla-"_

_"Fuck COME ON!"_

_"Okay, what?" says Darren, "You met Rupert Grint and got a photo with him?"_

_"Oh, well shit-"_

_"Fuck you Joey.."_

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><p>He thinks of all these opportunities and Joey's luck, and the possibility of a "<em>You've Got Mail<em>" deal going and _well_, he's fucked.

_Oh_ and he also thinks of that one time at the Red Carpet for the MTV Movie Awards, when the Cast of Harry Potter was attending.

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><p><em><em>

_"So Darren, who are you looking forward to meeting tonight?"_

_He thinks carefully about all the GODS up above, and to his left, and a bit of Morgan Freeman, and he thinks to himself, _Darren, you best watch yourself _and-_

_"Morgan Freeman!"_

Well **fuck**.

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><p><em>"I can't believe you said Morgan Freeman you fucking dumbass!"<em>

_"Joey shut the-"_

_"What if- okay hear this, what _if_ DanRad is avoiding you because you keep saying how much you want to meet other people, and he's just waiting for you to say his name?"_

_"Joey-"_

_"Shit, what if it _is_ like '_You've Got Mail'_ except for like it's NOT"_

_"That makes no-"_

_"Fuck shut up, I'm getting somewhere!"_

_"Okay?"_

_"What if, he's scared that you'll hate him?"_

_"It's actually the opposite.."_

_"Yeah, I know what you mean. That sounds more _plausible_, because-"_

_"Really?"_

_"What?"_

_"Plausible, are you-"_

_"Fuck you Darren."_

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><p>He's pretty sure that Joey's up to something, even though he came up with the idea first. What if his life was just up to saying Daniel's name, so he closes his eyes and-<p>

"Daniel Radcliffe," he says, "Daniel Radcliffe.."

"So, he's your celebrity crush?"

He opens his eyes and sees that he's not alone (_son of a bitch_), and that Ryan Seacrest and Julian Rancic are looking at him with wide eyes, and they _almost_ look manic.

"What?" he says.

"Your answer to your celebrity crush was DanRad," says Ryan as he nudges Darren in the rib with an elbow. (_Sometimes_, Darren thinks to himself, _Sometimes I wonder about this -_)

"Uhh,"

"Is this why you're so keen on stepping on each one of his stepping stones, and following in his footsteps?" asks Juliana, and _what a bitch_, Darren thinks to himself, _now I have to talk about how much of a_-

"He's actually here tonight," says Ryan, and that's what kicks Darren out of his stupor, "He's presenting in a category, and introducing a tribute to _Harry Potter_ and all the things that have come with it, are you looking forward to any of that tonight?"

"Yeah," Darren says, "Definitely, I mean, I _am_ a huge fan of Daniel, and he's such a cute guy!"

"Oh is he _now_," says Julliana with a smirk on her face.

"Well, _yeah_," says Darren, while watching his tone, whether it's verging on breathy fangirl or stalker, "He's a goo looking guy and he's-"

"Do _tell_ us more," says Ryan as he and Julliana move a bit closer to him, with nearly identical smirks on their faces.

"He's such a cool guy, and he's good looking yeah, and so talented and who _wouldn't_ be looking forward to any of that?"

"Uh-huh," Ryan says with a glimmer in his eyes, "What else?"

Darren sighs, because _what the hell Ryan, I just want to get inside and_- "He's got nice eyes, and cool hair!"

"Oh do I _really_?"

* * *

><p>Darren is sure that whatever is in the sky <em>hates <em>him with all their might.

They hate his hair, and his eyes, and his curls and most of all _him_.

He's sure that he probably killed someone in his past life, because nothing he's ever done could have been the trigger for this moment.

He's just embarrassed himself in front of THE _HARRY POTTER_, THE _FINCH_, and most of _all_ THE _DANIEL RADCLIFFE_.

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><p><em>"What if you embarrass yourself-"<em>

_"Shut the fuck up and don't jinx me, I will NOT embarras myself infront of Daniel Radcliffe."_

_"Do _not _jinx yourself Darren..."_

_"Fuck you Joey,"_

* * *

><p>He's shaken out of his little moment by Ryan Seacrest who's suddenly got an <em>arm<em> around him, and he's squeezing him and _damn_ Darren did not prepare himself for this moment.

"It's nice to meet you Darren," says Daniel, "I'm-"

"You're Daniel Radcliffe _dude_," says Darren.

(_Darren makes sure to tally up how many times he's embarrassed himself both in this moment, and in the future when he signs on to tumblr, _yes he has one just for kicks_, and sees all the gifs, and the manips, and reads about how fucking hilarious that moment was_, _because it is exactly how many times he'll be subjected to laughter from both Team Starkid, and Chris Colfer at the _same_ time_.)

"I know," says Daniel, "And you're Darren Criss, yeah?"

Darren nods his head fast at this, and he remembers how he could _possibly_ look like a puppy at the moment, and _stops_.

"You're-"

"Yeah," says Ryan, "I know.."

"Brought him over just for you," someone says from behind Daniel, "I knew how much you've wanted to meet him and..."

He looks over at the guy behind Daniel, and realizes that _hell no_ he did not need to do that at all, because he _knows_ that voice and-

"_Chris_!" he sneers as Chris comes out from behind Daniel and loops his arm around Daniel's elbow, "You _traitor_!"

"Yeah," says Chris, "I _know_."

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><p><em>"Hey Darren," says Chris as he slips next to him for a photo on the red carpet.<em>

_"What is it?" he replies as he loops an arm around Chris' waist and turns to him._

_"Remember that time you met Dan, and you just absolutely_ freaked_ out and-"_

_"Fuck you Chris," he says to Chris as he pinches his waist, "You're an asshole."_

_Chris and Darren both laugh into each other's spaces as the cameras snap and click and as the people just_ watched_ them interact. They continued to smile for the cameras, and sneak a bit of conversation between every pose, until Darren feels another arm slip behind him and a hears a chuckle from his left side._

_"Language boys," says the voice. Darren looks up to see a friendly smile turned to him and returns one to the man in an _Armani_ suit next to him and just melts into the man's grip._

_"Yeah Darren," snickers Chris, "Listen to DanRad, and _don't_ embarrass yourself!_"

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><p>The world may have hated him back then, but <em>now<em>?

The world just loves him and his best friend DanRad, and his sometimes a best friend, sometimes a pillow, sometimes _something he doesn't even know_ friend Chris Colfer.


End file.
